I wouldn’t call this a full review. But I have a few thoughts, in case you were considering checking it out. Ahead be spoilers — readers beware!
First, let’s talk about how The Witcher sounds. Have I been walking around with shitty earbuds for too long, or has the sound editing for shows in this genre changed? Like, is it the $80 headphones I got for $winterholiday, or does the brutal violence of the blood-bath-battle scene really sound like slaughtering a field of over-ripe canteloupes with a dull blade? Has on-screen violence always sounded so… wet? When the armies of Queen Calanthe of Cintra and Nilfgaard clash, it’s an orgy of battle-blur-action staggered with your usual cinematic tropes. We’ve got your juicy eye-gouging and beheading scenes, my personal favorite–the hatchet-inna-yer-helmet–, and lots of splattering gut impales. It’s a hot mess of battle, culminating in the queen’s consort getting an arrow in the eye. You get a good sense for Queen Calanthe’s character, witnessing not just a new widow’s sorrow, but a warrior queen’s absolute rage — oh, Jodhi May, I love you in every delicious scene!
Geralt of Rivia: The Good, the Bad, the Muscles!
The entire gestalt of the main character, Geralt of Rivia, feels like a familiar casserole of the loner/bad-boy/hero character tropes we find throughout the fantasy genre, but Geralt is seasoned with a bit of spaghetti western flavor. Henry Cavill plays Geralt with a similar gravitas and poise of another man-of-few-words, a misanthropic, misunderstood good guy/bad guy outlaw, the man without a name — Blondie from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Like Blondie, Geralt’s morality is questionable. He kills monsters for the money, but you can see, early on, the fringes, the suggestion of a morality that is more chaotic neutral than good. He’s a straight shooter, like Blondie (har har), and is most definitely an outlier, a trait that is most noticeable in the differences in accent. Every other actor so far is speaking in an English accent, although there are certainly nuances to classify characters as royalty or common. But Geralt speaks in what sounds like an American accent. Cavill’s makes a very conscious effort to make Geralt’s accent … different. Cavill is after all, from the UK and has no trouble with English accents! It’s not like he’s Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and said “fuck it!” because he couldn’t do the English accent. Witchers are mutants, feared by humans and monsters alike. Cavill does a good job of reminding us of Geralt’s otherness with every word he utters.
Overall Impression
Unusual for me, but I came to The Witcher Netflix series in full innocence. I’ve never read the books, comics, short stories, etc. I haven’t played the game. For a voracious reader of fantasy novels, and a gamer who’s logged more hours slogging through WoW dungeons and levels than I care to admit, coming to this series untainted is saying a lot. That said — Witcher 3 is apparently on Steam. There go my Saturday mornings!
Here are my final thoughts:
PROS:
1. OK, I’m just going to go ahead and say it. I’m objectifying Henry Cavill an awful lot. Those darkly-lit shots of his bulging biceps **fans self** are maybe as voluptuous as the way dank swamps, battles, villages, castles, forests are filmed. It feels very much like you’re watching characters walk through a game like Elder Scrolls or Dragon Age. Chalk up some points here for great scenery, lighting, costume, the environs of the action.
2. The story. Setting aside the scenes of somewhat-naked Cavill, I’m still liking the direction of the narrative. I’m aware there’s some time-fuckery happening in these first few episodes. I’m doing the Tetris in my head. So far, I’m watching 3 movies. The Geralt movie. The Ascension of Yennefer. And the Innocent, Wandering Maiden Princess Ciri. And I’m curious to see them come together to weave something interesting.
3. The fight scenes. Holy bloody whiskers of Ares. It’s like every new entry in this genre has absorbed the lessons of Game of Thrones, LOTR, and other series with epic battle cinematography. Watching Geralt with the sword is some beautiful choreography.
CONS:
1. I truly do NOT like the glamming up of Yennefer from her more humble beginnings, twisted-spine-and-all. I was loving that there was a character overcoming physical challenges, becoming more bad-ass and accomplished. Growing more confident. And then. Ta da. Magic surgery, and she’s all fixed. That sucks. I was happily cheering her imperfectly perfect ascension (so to speak) to super-sorceress and thinking, YAY! We can finally have strong female characters who are imperfect! Down with the patriarchy! The change in Yennefer was a big turn off. I’m curious if this new perfect Yennefer will live up to her progenitor.
2. IF I HEAR THE WORD “DESTINY” ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO HURL. It’s like Darth Vader in the original Star Wars trilogy. Watching The Witcher and waiting for the talks about destiny would be a great drinking game! Every time you hear the word destiny you take a shot of whisky and send a nasty email to the screen writers. Yes. I get it. Destiny is at play. Destiny destiny destiny. Do we need to be bandied about the head with it at all times?
The Pros outweigh the cons for me, and The Witcher is definitely the kind of show that appeals to my love of fantasy. I recommend it if you like epic-feeling fantasy narratives with mythic qualities of the eurocentric variety, and you aren’t too squeamish about jump scares, lots of blood and some sexy times & nudity.